Get This Baby Out

I love to hear labor stories.  I’m completely fascinated by the fact that the female body is programmed to give birth but no one knows when it will happen. For a control freak like me I am mesmerized by the power of a woman’s body to create life’s most anticipated moment. I was induced with Charlie, and even though I am a firm believer in the conception of induction, it just didn’t feel right. I was in labor for 24 hours before my body got the heck on board. God bless everyone that came into contact with me that day, my behavior was not reflective of actual Micki.

In movies going into labor is a dramatic and quick event. In movies her water breaks and she has the baby in her arms a few minutes later. The truth is only 10% of women experience their water breaking on its own and most women are in labor for at least 24 hours. With Thomas I was in labor for 48 hours. Before you start thinking I’m superwoman, there is a difference between labor and LABOR. My husband once asked the doctor how we will know when I’m in labor. His response was “when your wife wants to kill you then she is in LABOR”.

I started having very light contractions on Thursday morning. They were 7-10 minutes apart and regular. I was so excited – my body was going into labor on its own!! I told my mother and my in-laws to head to Kansas City because surely I was going to have Thomas that day. Wrong. I stayed home from work and spent most of the day shopping. I actually hate shopping but walking helps speed up contractions and I needed a distraction. By that evening all grandparents were in Kansas City and eagerly staring at me in my living room with high anticipation. By then my contractions were every 4-5 minutes and were starting to get more painful. So Matt and I packed our bags and went to the hospital. I should have known I wasn’t in LABOR because I was able to walk into the hospital like a functioning human being. They hooked me up to monitors and checked to see how much I was dilated and the nurse had the nerve to look me in the eye and tell me I was only one centimeter dilated. ONE. Come on lady, I’m pretty sure Matt is dilated one centimeter. Then she told me to go home and rest. Kathy from Shawnee Mission Hospital – I apologize for what I might have said to you that evening.

As you can imagine, “resting” when you have contractions isn’t an actual thing. I managed to get a little sleep but when I woke up Friday morning my contractions had slowed down significantly. My first thought was “why does my body hate me??!!”. Then my second thought was “screw this I’m in control and I’m getting this baby out of me!”. So I started walking around my neighborhood. Then I kept walking. And walking. And before I knew it was time for our regular evening family walk so I walked again. It turns out that taking a walk with a stubborn toddler and a lazy dog is the key to going into LABOR. My 2.5 year old daughter insisted on pulling our 110 pound German Shepherd in the wagon and it made me laugh so hard that my contractions started picking up. By the time I went to bed I was really uncomfortable and knew I was close to being in LABOR. Then around 2 in the morning I woke up and was in so much pain that I started thinking “ok this is it – this is how I’m going to die”. My contractions were very close together and I could barely breathe thru the pain. So I woke Matt up and told him we needed to go the hospital. Ya’ll this man had the audacity to say “maybe we should call the doctor to see if we should go in”. I can’t remember exactly what happened after he said that but I’m pretty sure my head spun around three times and I may have asked for a divorce. I wanted to kill him….but I was in LABOR!! I couldn’t officially celebrate until I felt the epidural working in the hospital because actual LABOR contractions feel like someone is trying to kill you by taking a giant screw and repeatedly twisting it into your lower stomach. But next thing you know I was holding my sweet Thomas and I no longer wanted to kill my husband. Labor is a beautiful thing (except for the woman that is actually in LABOR).




2 thoughts on “Get This Baby Out

  1. Bridget Phillips says:

    You should try “natural” childbirth! No drugs and during the delivery the stirrup falls off of the table. That is a position you never want to be in.

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